My Sister's Wedding
A special edition of the "A Wedding for" series.
Housekeeping: I promised the first “Making Tastemakers” interview this week. It’s been delayed. However, many of y’all loved the first “A Wedding For” post, so I thought I’d give you another, more personal one.
P.S. This post might be too long to view in an email. I suggest opening in the Substack app (my favorite way to use Substack) or a browser.
A Perspective on Weddings
My Little Sister, Her Now-Husband, and Wedding Priorities
Ninety-nine percent of you do not know my sister or her fiancé. Quite honestly, I don’t think most of you care to read a paragraph about how lovely they are (no shade, this is the state of attention spans in 2024).
Quick context for your scroll:
Location: Bentonville, Arkansas
Ages 26 and 28
Both work for Walmart Inc. / Dylan is a wedding DJ on the side
3-month timeline to plan the wedding
30 guests
Budget: $25K
“Our priorities were family, community, and an elegant experience.”
A Push Against “The Template”
“My friend has literally STUDIED Arkansas Bride. That’s how weddings are around here: A wedding is featured in Arkansas Bride, it becomes trendy, everyone copies it, it becomes tasteless.”
(I taught her well, ladies and gentlemen.)
With that in mind, we set out to create a day unlike the pages of Arkansas Bride…
Our first priority was to find a dinner venue (Raegan and Dylan booked Mildred B. Cooper Memorial Chapel for the ceremony).
I personally love a restaurant wedding—we will see more of these in coming years (and not just in New York City). However, Bentonville isn’t the hottest destination for fine dining. Our search for a restaurant with a private dining room large enough to host 30 guests, an elevated menu, and a modern atmosphere led us to The Hive at 21C Bentonville. Bonus that we could get ready and lodge at the hotel.
Wedding Aesthetics and Personal Taste
Weddings can act as a catalyst to reveal your taste. My goal was to ask intentional questions, listen—and push my sister to discover her style beyond a Pinterest board.
“I didn’t want the same ‘copy and paste’ thing. But, when you don’t do this often, you also don’t know where to begin. So you go on Pinterest and ‘pin’ all of these the cookie-cutter ideas.
What you were able to show me—by having deep conversations—was that I didn’t actually like the inspiration I was seeing. I liked the essence, but you helped me develop my style beyond what was given to me in a quick Pinterest search.”
I’m not here to yuck anyone’s yum, so I won’t share photographs from Raegan’s original inspiration board. Search: “eucalyptus wedding” or “winter wedding” to get a feel for the aforementioned “cookie-cutter things.”
We discovered Raegan’s style words to be: approachable, elegant, and modern.
Decor Choices and Swaps
In my experience, I’ve found that most mid-to-low-budget weddings try to “do the most” when it comes to table decor. To make a dinner reception feel high-end—do less, with intention.
Experience elevates an event more than a floral arrangement ever will. My advice to Raegan and Dylan was to purchase the top-tier food and beverage package, and make simple, purposeful decor choices.
“Our day felt genuine. We didn't need extra details. Everything placed on the table was placed with so much purpose—we didn’t need to do anything else.”
For reference, here’s a photograph of the room before:
Timeline — This isn’t a decor decision, however, event logistics are the most important part of a wedding day—a poor timeline can ruin the experience. I always suggest some eyes-closed visualization when creating a wedding timeline.
Lighting — I asked a lot of questions before we booked this room. The overhead lights were originally a point of concern, however, the event manager confirmed we could dim them. Ambient lighting and candlelight is KEY to set a mood.
Custom Pottery Bowls — Raegan loves pottery. When she lived alone, she had a pottery wheel in the garage. She hired a friend from her local pottery studio to create the floral arrangements and custom bowls.
“I even asked for a specific type of clay. Ha! It’s special now, though, because we were able to keep the bowls. I look forward to filling them with handmade arrangements for special occasions and anniversaries.”
Menu Swap — The restaurant / hotel included “custom menus” in our rental package. While they were minimal in design, we didn’t love the logo. I created a sleek, modern menu (Raegan’s design preference in lieu of handwritten styles I was fond of—by this point she was honed-in on her taste!).
Pipe and Drape — We weren’t allowed to move any of the art on the walls. We also didn’t love the pull-down shades that separated the private dining room from the main dining room. It was ~$500 to add sheer drape on two walls—but it completely changed the vibe of the room. Pipe and drape took the room from corporate-meh to soft and refined.
Handwritten Letters — I always love when couples write love notes for their guests. This felt very “Raegan and Dylan.” Everyone was touched by the sweet gesture.
Family Dynamics
I’ve recently gotten into The Viall Files. Nick has a weekly series titled “Ask Nick,” in which listeners write or call in questions about relationships (romantic, friendships, family, business). I’ve already come across two episodes regarding family dynamics and weddings.
Our family navigated a few areas of tension in the months that led to Raegan and Dylan’s wedding day. Ultimately, these challenges—and how we navigated them—made the relationships with our parents stronger. (I say “we” because, as the older sister, I am inherently wrapped in to all family discussions. Take that one to the therapy table. Ha!)
Points of tension:
Officiant. This might seem like a strange one, but it’s essentially a religious dilemma. Our dad had a very strong preference toward a ceremony led by a pastor. After a dozen unsuccessful attempts to find a pastor to officiate their wedding, Raegan and Dylan chose to have one of their best friend’s lead the ceremony.
This caused a lot of distress for our dad. Raegan and Dylan had many direct, but loving conversations with him and our step-mom. Below is an excerpt of a text I sent to him (which I think helped him surrender to Raegan and Dylan’s choice…see below video for one of my favorite moments of the day.)
I decided to include the language here, as I know it might be helpful to others who are navigating similar family dynamics.
Raegan needs your love and support. It seems as if you need her to change their plans in order or make your emotions easier, but it’s not her responsibility to do that.
The marriage ceremony is Reagan and Dylan’s time to unite as one, in the way that they choose. It is them who God has united to go out and care for this world. Their unique way of being together will serve God’s purpose—and if they are preparing a ceremony to publicly show that, then that is the Lord’s work at hand. Trust them <3
The Uninvited. Raegan and Dylan invited their parents, grandparents, me (the only biological sibling between the two of them), and a small group of friends. This decision wasn’t personal.
“The day was about us. I wanted everyone who was there to immediately understand that. After seeing the photographs, I think even people who weren’t invited understood—because they saw the photos and heard about the experience and said, ‘oh that is so Raegan and Dylan.’”
My Style Choices (Because Why Not)
I got ready in a very true-to-me outfit: Levis and a denim chore coat. Taking this opportunity to say you don’t need custom pajamas or robes or anything matching, really.
My style words (a la Allison Bornstein) are: Comfortable, Romantic, Chic. I love to show off my decollete—feels oh so romantic. The Ralph Lauren Metallic Knit Off-the-Shoulder Gown was a perfect fit.
Editor’s note: I deleted TikTok at midnight in the name of mental health.
In the last fourteen days, I’ve been to San Diego, Los Angeles, Houston, Dallas, and Austin (2x). I overcommitted. With my first wedding of the year on the horizon, I’ve been careful to preserve and recharge my creative energy for the upcoming weekend.
That said, apologies if my writing felt a bit lackluster this week. I promise to be back with full gusto for the month-end roundup.
xx
Brooke
P.S. I included one commissionable link in this post. As always, I will only link products I personally use, read, wear, or believe in.