"The One"

An essay from my past. May's cul-de-sac.

Dear Reader,

Thank you for your presence here. A space for experimentation. The words I published in May were some of my favorite yet. Each time I show up, I learn something new.

I learn what excites me to write about (and what doesn’t). I learn who I want to write for. I learn how I want to write.

As part of this journey, I resurrected an essay from yesteryears ago. It originally appeared on Instagram in response to an “Ask Me For Advice” request. I could easily cringe and archive these words away forever, but I’ve learned to accept myself (in all her phases).

The questions: “How do I know if my significant other is ‘the one?’ Are you supposed to have no doubts? How do you know if it is the right choice?”

My response, as well as the May cul-de-sac (round up of my favorite things in May) are below.

Enjoy!
Brooke

P.S. I plan to publish another version of this essay someday. A draft lives in my journal. You could say I know a bit more about “the one,” now.

—

“The One”
Written: August 10, 2020 (adapted slightly for grammar)

I remember my first trip to 6th Street. As most Texas State students do, I made the 35-minute journey from San Marcos to Austin on a party bus—Four Loko in hand.

When we arrived, my best friends and I were already so intoxicated that we peed in bushes outside of a church. We didn’t know it was a church. I’ve made right with Jesus about it. I also never planned on sharing that fun fact on Instagram, but here we are.

Fast forward to 3AM and the owner of a bar called Toulouse had my limp body in his arms, in route to my father’s car. Apparently, I separated from my friends, couldn’t get off the bathroom floor, and called Dear Ol’ Dad for help. My family was conveniently in town that weekend. At my grandparents’ house, 45 minutes away.

My parents called a family meeting two mornings later. I thought, for sure, I was about to assume the classic “oldest child role” and be made an example out of.

Instead, my parents uttered the word: divorce.

I thought they were each other’s “the one.”

At that time, I believed in “the one.”

Two serious relationships later—both of which I was sure were “the one”—and I’m a bit more realistic about what “the one” means.

You see, babe, if you have doubts about your significant other, I’m not sure you’re ready for marriage. Here’s another way to phrase your question: How do you know if you are ready to marry your significant other?

We live in a world with checklists about “the one.” We put all of the responsibility on that person to fulfill a role in our lives. Wavy brown hair, loves the outdoors, gets along with my family and friends, can cook, we have fun together even if we’re doing nothing…

I’ve listened to friends vent about unhappy marriages and fear they made the wrong choice. I’ve watched friends start over again because they did make the wrong choice. Hell, I was “engaged” once, I almost made the wrong choice.

As an Artist who captures people in love, I’ve also witnessed a lot of people who made the right choice.

So, how did they know? How do you know? How do you get rid of the doubt?

You stop overanalyzing every little thing about your significant other and get to know yourself. It’s not cliché. It’s the only solution to your problem.

When I figured out this key to finding “the one,” I started to do some weird shit. Well, not totally weird. It felt weird, at first. Whatever.

I started to live the life I want in a marriage. Most evenings I eat dinner alone—without my phone or Netflix—because, one day, I want to do that with my husband and our children.

I started to think about the relationships I witnessed as a child and the example of marriage my parents showed me. I started to talk to them about it. What were the good things about that relationship? What are things I’d like to do differently? How do I want to parent my kids? Do I ever want to learn how to cook?

I started to discover who I am. Really discover who I am. I wrote it all down. I’m still writing it down.

It’s not really about finding “the one.” It’s about finding yourself. It’s about finding what you need. Because then, and only then, will you be conscious and confident when you say “yes!” to forever.

Waiting sucks. Especially if all of your friends are settling down and having babies and buying houses. But—I promise—it’s a lot easier to be patient than to wait until you’re 26 years in, with two daughters (one of which just passed out in a bathroom on 6th Street), and realize you’re not in love anymore and haven’t been for awhile.

Life is short…but not that short.

Find out who you are.

“The one” will wait.

—

Now, on to May discoveries, books, objects, people who inspired me:

Lucia Zolea Calla Lily Ring

I made a pact with myself to only purchase thoughtful jewelry pieces. Pieces with sentimental value. My sister’s favorite flower (and the flower she used for her wedding) is the Calla Lily. I knew, right away, I needed this ring.

This was one-of-a-kind, but I linked a similar (and just as fabulous) one.

Sarah Jessica Parker on Books

“My mother believed if you held a book, you would come to love a book.” SJP’s mother encouraged her children grab a book before they left the house.

Solène’s Green Suede Tote Bag (The Idea of You)

Yes, I did enjoy this movie. I enjoyed the fashion even more (is anyone surprised?).

I went on a hunt for the green tote bag Solène wears to Cochella. Apparently, it caught more eyes than mine. It’s sold out. I plan to keep my eyes peeled for a future Poshmark or Ebay score.

Isabel Marant Yenky suede tote bag in green

Yellow Notepad

This is a silly little addition, but I absolutely love these yellow notepads. I swear this bright stack of paper helps me actually complete my to-do lists. Plus, it’s easy to spot in a tote bag (it would look way cute in the above tote bag…) or on a cluttered desk.

“Lover Boy” by Sarah York

I wanted to gatekeep this one because I cannot afford to purchase it yet (on a tight budget as I work on a few passion projects), but it’s too fun. I had to share. If it’s meant to hang on my wall one day, it will!

This photo I captured at Avery and Colin’s wedding

This photo makes my eyes as misty as the sky.

It’s the kind of photo you hang on the wall and pass by with a smile, or misty eyes, or a remark to a houseguest “that was taken on our wedding day.” It’s not the smiles and laughter and human emotions (which I love and are moments, of course, filled with sentiment). But the atmosphere. The spirit-filled, misty air. The spring blooms. The hills in the distance. In the midst of artful floral arrangements, tablecloths, and tents, this was the gift that nature chose for you that day.

Captured on medium format film.

PhotoWork: Forty Photographers on Process and Practice

I “muted” almost every wedding photographer and wedding account last week. It was a step I needed to take as I bloom into the Artist inside. Plus, I much prefer to learn about photography from those who are different than me. From their words.

Ibiza Hair B8

My hair has a lot of texture. Most days, I love my texture. I also really love, however, when I get it done professionally and its sooo smooth. The photo below is after said “sooo smooth” styling. Apparently, this brush (plus tension while blow drying) is the trick.

xx
Brooke

P.S. Two affiliate links are included in this post. I may earn a small commission if you purchase from them.